Vladamir Putin Inspired Cologne

This is not a drill, you guys: a Vladamir Putin inspired cologne exists. It’s called Leaders Number One and is selling in Moscow for $85. Apparently the stuff smells like citrus and cedar and musk and mung beans. Citrus and cedar, sure why not. But I think we can all agree that, in this case, musk is just a nice way of saying horrific BO. And mung beans? Who the hell knows what that’s supposed to mean. We’re talking about Vladamir Putin inspired cologne here, people. Nothing makes sense anymore.